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Competitive back-slapping
Its a diversion dear of general diplomats rival back-slapping. The manners are simple: whoever leaves the press discussion with his palm on the alternative chaps shoulder, display a transparent and patronising authority, wins. Dave appeared to have the top palm as he and Nick entered No 10 together for the initial time, running his DPM with a organisation right hand. Then Clegg scored a quick "Clinton" declared after US league-topper Bill slapping Dave at the back of as shortly as he had expelled him. But Cleggs feat was pipped by an extra-time chastisement from Dave, who could usually be seen patting Nick on his reduce at the back of as the great doorway thudded shut. We"ve got five years of this, and we"re keeping score.
How tall?
Close your eyes and design the leaders. Now, that one is taller? A severe bureau check suggested 64 per cent of IoS staff hold the Cameron, since infancy cinema indicate Clegg is incompletely taller. One co-worker says the tallest personality regularly wins the election. Brown was positively the shortest, at 5ft 11in. According to the BBC, Cameron is 6ft dead, whilst the accord on celebheights.com take a look, the hours of fun puts him at 6ft 1/2in, or 185cm, a figure that additionally appears on IMDB (we"re not certain since hes on there). There are no central total accessible on Clegg, but he not long ago told The Economist he is rounded off 6ft. Well, if even he doesnt know afterwards we"ll leave the conjecture there.
Hooray Paddy
Paddy Ashdown greeted headlines of the bloc with usually one word: "Hooray". Now, we"re all for concision, generally from seasoned windbags, but when the BBC asked him to blow up he became a small tiresome: "Listen you"ve listened my comment, that is one word. Its the initial time you"ve had a one-word matter and it is, "Hooray". And I"ll repeat it. "Hooray."" Our outcome of his outcome contains usually one word, too, but the not hooray.
Young leaders
Much discuss about Lord Liverpool after each media opening reeled out the actuality that Cameron is the youngest budding apportion to take bureau since old Livers in 1812 (he was 42, Dave is 43). But the similarities go majority serve than that. My well-thumbed book of Wikipedia tells me that, as well as carrying been to Oxford and rising by the Tory ranks unequivocally quickly, that "during his time as budding minister, from 1812 to 1827, Liverpool became well well well known for odious measures introduced to say order", that enclosed the scandalous corn laws. The economy was additionally in apocalyptic straits, with the republic saddled by large debt caused by new wars, and Liverpool responded by putting up taxes and overseeing a lapse to the bullion standard. Spooky.
Boy George
And what of George Osborne? The new Chancellor is a small 38, creation him the youngest chairman to pretence that bureau since Randolph Churchill in 1886. We know rather some-more about him, being the father of Winston, who wrote at length about him in his book A History of the English-Speaking Peoples. He is not to be confused with the younger Randolph Churchill, Winstons son, who was so bumptious that when Evelyn Waugh got trapped with him in a farmhouse in Yugoslavia during the war, he challenged him to review the Bible to keep him quiet. The intrigue unsuccessful as Randolph guffawed his approach by the total thing. His grandfather, by contrast, was rather dour, as, we suspect, is the new Boy George.
IDS the hero
Jubilation in worried circles came in astonishing ways, not slightest from The Spectator, that got vehement about Iain Duncan Smith being allocated Work and Pensions Secretary. Normal people will recollect IDS as the still man who pronounced he was branch up the volume. How we quaked! After being defeated as personality of the Conservatives he has been bustling environment up the Centre for Social Justice, that The Spectator applauds. "No politician is some-more committed to gratification reform, or has thought some-more deeply about it," gushes this weeks editorial. "There is no politician alive improved matched to this job, and no one some-more expected to work faster." Nobody can work faster? As any one who has had a review with him will attest, hes not one for utilizing one word when a integrate of dozen will do.
Boriss whizzo similes
Boris Johnson kept an impressively low form in the run-up to polling day but has been creation up for it ever since, entrance up with ever some-more illusory metaphors for the coalition. Speaking to Jeremy Paxman as talks continued, he likened it to a sausage, saying: "Whatever sort of Walls sausage is constructed by this great experiment, the widespread piece has got to be Conservative the beef in the sausage has got to be Conservative." Then, on Wednesday, he likened the Government to a cross-bred dog, somewhere in in between "a bulldog and a Chihuahua". Perhaps Boris would similar to to magnify the embellishment to the leaders: Dave a Labrador, Nick his poodle?
Mugabe to elder statesman
Not since Dianas car pile-up have the pundits committed such an about-turn on a open figure as they did with Nick Clegg last week. Leaving in reserve his rocket-like arena during the TV debates, since polling day he has gone, as someone quipped on Question Time, from king-maker to tea-maker. As the deal-making dragged on, Sir Malcolm Rifkind bloody this skulduggery as "the governing body of Robert Mugabe", whilst David Blunkett marked down Clegg "a harlot". Only hours after he was being hailed as a statesman. If usually Linda Lee-Potter were alive her prior to and after columns would have been a treat.
Young PMs
How old do you feel? If you"re elderly anywhere in in between 43 and 57 you probably feel an horrible lot comparison than you did this time last week. Thats since it will have dawned on you as Cameron was anointed the personality that he is the initial PM to be younger than you. This joyless actuality relates to about 11.6 million people, or nineteen per cent or the population. Just think, that could have been you.
Ramsay MacDonald
We"ve been told sufficient times right away that we can all intone in unison: this is the initial peacetime bloc supervision to be shaped since 1931. Ramsay MacDonald was the Nick Clegg of the day, upsetting the Labour Party by similar to form a inhabitant supervision in that the infancy of MPs were Conservatives. This trick scarcely accomplished off Labour, that won usually 52 seats in that years election. The celebration understandably took opposite MacDonald, blaming him for the nearby collapse, though he confirmed his desertion had usually ever been a proxy measure, and he had hoped to return. Happily for Clegg, his celebration is wholly at the back of him, and the destiny is ideally safe. Isnt it?
Posh factor
75: thats the commission of the new cupboard who went to in isolation school. Its a intolerable figure, generally when compared with Tony Blairs common seventeen per cent, and since that usually 10 per cent of the race is secretly educated. But there is a crafty small counterclaim the Tories can wield, should they wish: this is, in fact, the Conservative Cabinet with the infancy state-educated ministers. An considerable claim, though when you think about it for some-more than a second, the not that surprising. Major, Thatcher, Heath, Churchill of course, their Cabinets were heaving with Etonians. And prior to that the eminence wasnt either you had been to a in isolation or state school; it was either you were a roomer or day boy.
What subsequent for former MPs and ministers?
Its a bustling time for headhunters: reports reach me they have been inundated with happy phone calls from ex-MPs they once met at a party, wondering, um, whether, er, there are any association play that need a rarely paid new member, please?
As Gordon Brown dusts down his CV, we asked a clairvoyant, an astrologist and a personal tutor what the destiny binds for him, ex-ministers and the 263 ex-MPs drowning out the jobs market. Anita Olsen, of Anitas Psychic Readings, tells me: "In the New Year, I see Gordon drifting a small plane." We demur to point out his steer problems prior to she goes on, "or this picture symbolises his complacency with freedom. He should find superintendence from his late mom as I feel she was an impulse to him." Indeed. Nick Mitchell, a personal tutor at Up Fitness, has some-more unsentimental advice, suggesting he goes on a yoga retreat. Its less trustworthy than the flying.
What of Peter Mandelson, who has some-more time on his hands? Over to Anita: "I feel there is low meditative and concentration on personal relations around November/ December. Drama or entertainment are shown to me as being of significance to Peter and might have a probable work connection."
Philip Garcia, a luminary astrologist, says the former commercial operation secretary, as a Libra, should concentration on his skills, bringing peace where there has been discord. "He wouldnt go far wrong in matrimony guidance, as well as apropos a celebration planner maybe the divorce celebration epoch is about to begin with Peter as ringmaster?"
Alan Johnson is, according to Mitchell, "looking a bit old and knackered", and should pill this with a little "steady weight training". Anita sees a career as a manoeuvre beckoning: "I see Alan equine riding. The equine symbolises strength and energy entrance his way. Alan is shown to me similar to the section residence in "The Three Little Pigs", he will not be blown down."
But the majority appropriate headlines comes for Tessa Jowell, the former Olympics apportion whose husband, David Mills, was at the centre of temptation allegations. Anita says she can see Tessa enjoying full of health monetary affairs a year from now, though she warns: "There appear to be some-more severe situations forward she could great from asking a suggestion for guidance." Or usually the Carabinieri.
The dictionary of love
"A unequivocally polite partnership" was how the Evening Standard pennyless the happy headlines and, suddenly, it was as if we had a stately marriage on the hands. After Nick and Daves in contact with opening on the Downing Street lawns on Wednesday a corner press discussion with relating his-and-his lecterns sub-editors swung in to Charles and Diana mode circa 1981, striking headlines of "The happy couple" and "A special relationship" over the papers.
But the cinema didnt need explaining: side by side, all diffident smiles, romantic gazes, on foot and talking, fooling around and poking, on the lawn, up the stairs, channel the threshold, their relating blue suits sewn together at the sleeve. Was that confetti in the background? Oh no, usually wisteria, but we got the message: this was the domestic bromance of the century.
The Daily Telegraphs sketchwriter Andrew Gimson urged caution: "When dual people who have well well well known each alternative for five days make well known they are going to outlay the subsequent five years together, the universe is firm to ask either the happy integrate have taken leave of their senses." The Independent illusory the marriage vows: "I, Nick, take you, Dave, to be my leader, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in illness and in health.... Till debt us do part." Soon the columnists were scrambling to come up with the infancy apposite chronological parallel: Morecambe and Wise? Ant and Dec? Jedward? Cleggward? They positively looked identical. Some saw traces of Colin Firth and Hugh Grant in Bridget Joness Diary. But it took Richard Littlejohn of the Mail to take the regretful embellishment a integrate of steps as well far, and up the steps and in to the bedroom, by contrast it to Brokeback Mountain. What a pleasant thought, and one he was, naturally, troubled by. "The honeymoon stops here," he thundered. Thank integrity right away they can empty all those fondue sets.
Boulton and Burley
If we told you Adam Boulton was sleepy and romantic when he monstered Alastair Campbell live on TV you would pretence he"d had a pint or three. In fact, Boulton gave up ethanol for the choosing and unequivocally was unequivocally tired. And the no consternation he was emotional: Campbell and Boulton have history, stemming from Campbells glacial attribute with Anji Hunter, a associate Blair help and right away Boultons wife.
It wasnt what Campbell wrote that Anji minded, but what he didn"t: Hunter was angry that Campbell portrayed her as carrying usually a walk-on piece at No 10. "There were so most entries in his diaries that started, "Meeting with TB and I" that I felt similar to saying, "Hang on a minute, I happened to have been there, too"," she once told the Telegraph.
Campbell is positively the master of the wind-up, and Mondays opening was an intent doctrine in how to needle a presumably usually headlines anchor on a Murdoch-owned headlines channel. "You"re patently dissapoint that David Cameron is not Prime Minister," was the touchpaper. But it wasnt usually Campbell: usually 4 hours after Boulton was finger-jabbing and screaming again, this time at Ben Bradshaw. Although we similar to Boulton, everybody concluded there was no forgive for such behaviour. Had Nick Robinson of the BBC lost his cool, there would be calls for his resignation. There have been scarcely 1,500 complaints to Ofcom, though the thought a Labour chatter debate is at the back of them.
The great headlines for Sky is that the repute doesnt rest wholly on Boulton theres regularly Kay Burley. Burley has turn a YouTube prodigy after barracking a protester, revelation him he should go home and watch Sky. Not usually was this uncanny poise for an usually headlines presenter, but she should have well well well known improved than to take on a garland of protesters, who afterwards chanted live on air "Sack Kay Burley! Watch the BBC!". Anger government classes might be in sequence for both; meanwhile, the majority appropriate competition is on Sky.
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